Before engaging in a mission of mercy with anyone, take a step back before making any commitments. Particularly when it comes to people who fall into one of the categories discussed in the first two video parts of the Outlier Introductions, Violators, Context, & Cautions series. Ask yourself these four questions.

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What is “done”?

Before we start doing anything, we need to know what we want to achieve? What is our desired outcome? Too many times people get an assignment and off they go to work on it. Without thinking through what that endpoint is, much less how to get there.

When I work with people, I use the term “desired outcome”. It’s more descriptive of what it is we want to do - get a specific outcome. Not just any outcome. Defined outcome is a term I drill down on time and time again. Because it matters.

If you don’t know when something is done, you don’t how much to work, what equipment and talent is required for the work. How much money is that work going to cost?

If you cannot define “done” and how to measure it and you move forward, remember that moment. It could the end of a job, career, reputation, or worse. You could get lucky, but how comforting is that strategy if you fall into ruin?

Protect Your “Done”

A huge threat to achieving a desired outcome is scope creep. If done has not be defined, shared, and embraced people can add “little” additional tasks. And then some more. Maybe some big tasks.

Done never happens. It takes much longer and costs way more than envisioned when it was first proposed. For an entertaining look at scope creep, check out the movie satire “The Pentagon Wars” starring Cary Elwes and Kelsey Grammer showcasing a bloated effort to create what became the Bradley armored personal carrier.

Another common threat to “done”. People have different definitions for the same task or project. A manager thinks one thing. A team lead has a different definition, staff yet another definition and none of them align with the executive how created the project! Chaos breaks out and finger pointing begins.

Creating and using a desired outcome statement is your best defense against chaos and scope creep. If you are looking for clarity on determining your desired outcome statement, here is a process I share with my clients. Creating this statement is not enough. It must be embraced and used in making decisions and taking action. Resistors to this practice must be converted or removed from the activity.

Do you need to go through this process for every “done” you’re working on? No, mundane low-risk tasks can and should be knocked out quickly.

There are two flags which indicate you definitely need to have a clearly defined desired outcome. If your desire outcome significantly impacts people and/or money, go through the process to define your desired outcome. You get to define “significantly”. These are two areas (people and money) where a lack of understanding “done” can cause real damage to people and businesses.

Don’t sabotage yourself before you get going. Define you done. Define your desired outcome.

In “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” Dr. Stephen Covey framed this concept as beginning with the end in mind. This is not a new concept to humanity. But it is one that is often ignored and shunned for the perceived benefit of getting a task done more quickly. Or that it’s an unnecessary step.

Little “Dones” Add Up

Context and scope are also important factors when it comes to desired outcome. For all but the most simplest tasks, “done” requires a number of smaller victories.

It can be tempting to cut out steps. Or at least overlook them. Then they are discovered during your task. This often leads to rework, wasted time, lost money, and frustration. Even outright failure.

One of the core principles of engineering is breaking big complex tasks into more smaller ones. This makes the work more manageable in effort and impact. When a task or subtasks breaks, it’s far easier to find it in an isolated group of work. Think through how you will achieve your desired outcome. The big steps and then the little steps necessary to finish tasks and subtasks.

Celebrating “Done”

When you get to “done”, recognize it! How common is it when something is completed to move on to the next project or task? With little or no acknowledgment of the contributions and work that went into achieving that goal? Maybe it’s a celebration lunch. A quick ceremony including teams, customers, and other groups involved with the work. Do something to mark this success. Bigger successes can merit more significant celebrations.

Don’t ignore done. They can be hard to come by. About two-thirds of business projects fail. Celebrate the wins.

Exercises

1. Thinking about your current goal, how many things do you still have to get done?

2. How will you know you are done with your goal?

3. When you are done with your goal, how do you plan on celebrating this achievement?

4. What steps can you take to avoid scope creep happening on your goal?

Communicating with strangers can be unnerving for a lot of people. It can bring on anxieties and fears like few other things people will regularly encounter in their daily lives. Which is what introducing yourself is all about. There are a lot of unknowns when it comes to introductions, just like a blind first date.

One element of communication we can shape and influence is our confidence.

There are things you can do to prepare yourself for these interactions with other people. People who will like you, hate you, not care about you, and everything in between. Your self-confidence will determine how you respond these reactions. Before we delve more into confidence and ways to build and use it, let’s begin with these three statements. Let them free you from common communication-related fears and anxieties.

• Don’t feel ashamed or guilty focusing on your desired outcome. Other people are focused on themselves. You have to be your most vigorous advocate for what you want to achieve.

• Most introductions will not lead to achieving your desired outcomes. That’s ok, it’s part of meeting people. Getting through low potential introductions (this does not mean low-potential people - though that might be the case at times) is a good thing because you then get closer to high-potential introductions. Plus, there’s always a chance you make that accidental connection that creates an unexpected opportunity.

• Do not feel obligated to have a follow-on meeting with everyone you meet. You should probably be saying no more often than yes to accepting low-quality follow-on meetings.

It does no good to worry about things you cannot control. Of feeling compelled to do one thing or another that doesn’t make sense. As you gain more confidence and experience, you will make better decisions leading to better results. These are conditions that exist when meeting people. You’ll make mistakes. Learning from them is also a big part of developing confidence.

A warning. None of this is guidance or a license to be rude, mean, or a jerk when making an introduction and networking. Be professional and courteous. How you exit interactions with people matters because communications don’t end at any one moment. They live on in the memories of those who participated in them with you.

Working with people on confidence skills is a big part of coaching and training. Teaching people the technical knowledge they use (with confidence) is the other half of the work. Without confidence, your outcomes and opportunities will be unnecessarily limited, regardless of your expertise in your field.

This is more so with communication. Without confidence in your communication, there’s a good chance you do not even get an opportunity to practice your trade for an employer or customer. Confidence is essential to being a good communicator.

Do you feel you have the communication skills, information and capability to engage successfully in an activities that matter to you? Yes or no? Regardless of your answer, the next steps are the same.

Step One: Preparation

Preparation (including practice)largely determines your success in most everything before you do anything. You might be asking then, “Why don’t people prepare and practice more often to do the best they can at some task?” Fair question. It comes down to stakes. For most daily routines people eek by with mediocre abilities or doing tasks that require very basic abilities to succeed.

There are activities with risks and benefits outside a person’s normal comfort zone. They usually involve money, health, and/or love in some combination. For those areas people want or need to do a do better then they think or know they are currently capable to achieve their desired outcomes. Or to avoid undesired ones.

Take a minute to write down two lists. One are outcomes you want to achieve (desired outcomes). Then there are outcomes to avoid (bad outcomes). These outcomes can include losing your job, getting a new job, landing a client, you or someone else dying, or disappointing someone important to you. And this list goes on.

Sounds grim? It is. People typically respond more to fear than a positive motivator.

With that said, are there people and organizations who strive to create and maintain competitive advantages over rivals due to a commitment to excellence? Without and before crap hits the fan? Yes. But you’re pretty rare if that’s the case with you. You’re awesome, but rare. Anyone can operate with this mindset. Building and exercising confidence is essential for this perspective.

Probably about one in five of my clients proactively seek excellence. Most people I work with (and likely reading this) want to become a better communicator due to one fear trigger or another. It’s just how we are are wired as humans.

So people make the decisions to prepare to do something new or better. This is what education really is about. Learning how to do something to a point where your odds of success go up and risks are reduced to acceptable levels.

When do you decide to more thoroughly prepare for a communication activity? Two quick tests are if a communication is likely to significantly impact money and/or people (there are others but these are the two most common factors). What does significant mean? That is up to you. “Significance” can be highly specific and unique depending on you and your organization.

What goes into preparation? In general preparation will involve these steps.

1. Creating and verifying your desired outcome.

2. Securing support from one or more senior leaders, customers or other appropriate people.

3. Validating your audience are people who can contribute to achieving your desired outcome.

4. Do you have the means, capabilities, and skills to create and deliver your communication or the ability to get needed resources?

5. Practice communication until a high level of comfort and confidence has been attained in its delivery.

Step Two: Execution

You have to do “the thing”. Getting ready for too long can easily become procrastination. Confidence is a difficult trait to nurture and practice. It is an indirect result of doing something well.

Today people fear failure so much that it prevents them from building confidence. These people want to be confident of success before they do something (new or otherwise). Confidence does not work this way.

You cannot buy confidence. No one can give it to you.

Doing the “thing” is ultimately what builds confidence. Doing it over and over and over again. A lot. Even though you will be tired, frustrated, bored, and resistant (even all at the same time) to making a full good faith effort each iteration. Most of the time you have to do an activity before you feel fully ready.

Get a sheet of paper and write down, “I will do (fill in the blank) to the best of my ability on or by (insert date here). I will not let fear to procrastinate or delay what needs to be done.” Make it your phone’s wallpaper, stick it on your bathroom mirror, your monitor, in your car…or all of these places. Read it aloud to yourself every time you see it until you’re thinking it without any of these prompts.

After you’ve executed your communication, it’s not done. A critical component of confidence is the ability to review and assess how well you executed a plan (i.e. communication activity). It’s so easy to just move on to the next thing. Hey, you’re done! Why do an after-action assessment? Your desired outcome most likely fell into one of three types of results. All of these can be used to learn from and some may have unpleasant forms accountability.

1. Your communication activity was a total success! What can you use from this experience to facilitate future success? These are fairly rare, but they can happen. And it’s fantastic when they do occur.

2. There were wins and losses in your communication. This is the most common result from a communication effort.

   1. Did you get a big enough win to move to count this as a win? Or at least as good enough?

   2. Will you need to redo part of the communication activity?

   3. How do you capture these lessons and share them with others to avoid these missteps?

   4. What consequences will need to be addressed from this performance?

3. You/your team failed miserably to land your message! Do a deep dive into what and when things went wrong. Learn from this failure and share those lessons.

   1. Will you need/be allowed to redo the communication?

   2. How will you/your team be held accountable for doing a bad job?

Doing an after action assessment is crucial to becoming better as a communicator. Going through this process alone will provide an advantage because most people do not review work they have done (not enough time, or money, or desire to do so). These reviews can damage confidence if approached with the wrong perspective. How you display professionalism and maintain composure will help repair any knocks to your confidence. Though it might take longer than you like.

Confidence comes from doing something right, stretching your skills, and doing more things right. When something goes wrong, confidence and desired outcome is what gets you up after getting knocked down. Even when we feel the “best” thing to do is stay down. Because we know deep down the “right” thing to do is figure out what went wrong, learn from that, and try again.

Sounds simple? Building and exercising confidence is not a difficult concept. Is it easy to do? No, not at first. Most people fail. It’s why they stay in safe comfort zones. Which is good for you because people who stay on the sidelines mean there’s less competition for you in the world.

Why do so many people stay on those sidelines? Not pushing boundaries in their lives? No wave making?

Confidence has a big brother/sister. Faith. Specifically faith in yourself. Faith in yourself powers self-confidence.

People without confidence lack faith in themselves. So they play everything safe. A really sad decision for them.

I don’t see how a person has confidence with faith. Sometimes it can be hard to have faith in yourself. Especially during times of real hardship. Real losses like death, health issues, losing a job, families falling apart, and not enough in the bank to pay for essentials like shelter and food.

When other people have faith in you, use that. Use faith from every source you can find. Religion, family, friends, coaches, mentors, movies, books, music…anywhere you can find it.

A quick side note. Be wary of people closest to you. There are those who will truly have faith in you. They are golden. Honest cheerleaders each of us needs in our lives.

Then there are people who are supposed to care for you who really root for you failure or just don’t care. You probably know who these people are in your life. But you don’t acknowledge their secret disdain for you. I have a special tag in my CRM for these people. It’s not flattering (for them), but it serves as that little voice in my head when I have to interact with them or they ask for something. Some of these people cannot be avoided, but why waste time or energy with them any more than absolutely necessary?

When you have faith and confidence, odds flip more in your favor. And it shows. Especially in communication. People yearn for these traits because they are the priceless treasure behind any communication.

“I believe in myself. You should believe in me. Let’s do this together.”

This is being your authentic self. In a way that contributes to success.

Talking over the heads of your audience can feel good. Whether it’s bosses, co-workers, customers, partners, or friends, airing out that piece of intellectual superiority gives you a high. Perhaps this what doing drugs feels like?

Though it’s more than that, speaking as an engineer and having been guilty of this behavior …

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Introductions involve an element of vulnerability. You are putting yourself out for the world to criticize and savage. People like to think of introducing themselves in terms of “saying hi”, “I’m so and so and I do whatever…”, and “nice to meet you”. At a basic level, it comes down to if someone thinks there is some benefit to doing business in some way with you. Does that stranger think you bring something needed or desired and can you deliver on that value?

Judgements and risks can become quite a rabbit hole for people to tumble down once they start thinking about these aspects of introductions, much less communication, work and life in general. That rabbit hole can easily transform into dark, bottomless pit that’s hard for a person to pull out of and reach their potential.

Everyone gets tempted into peering down rabbit holes. Looking in and jumping in are two different things. The best solution to stay out of that deep, dark hole?

Self-confidence. Not just for introductions and staving off doubt and weakness. Self-confidence is the number one asset for good communicators. Good communicators stay focused on those desired outcomes while radiating self-confidence that prompts people to be better at communication . They are role-models for others to emulate and stretch far outside of their communication comfort zones. Watching them in action is inspiring, educational, and entertaining. They’re legendary in their circles. Because of their self-confidence.

How do you build self-confidence? Confidence itself is not an endpoint or something you can purchase from the confidence store. It’s a trait that happens for people through purpose and repetition of execution. Lots of repetition, struggle, and doubt. Which frustrates and upsets many people.

Confidence comes from doing something else well. The more often you do that thing well, the stronger your self-belief grows in those skills. Part of what makes confidence so valued and powerful is it’s often attained through failures, some quite severe and bitter. There are also practices and habits you can develop (to be shared in post in the near future).

People act and present themselves in different ways - how they translate their confidence into interactions with people. There is one reliable measure of the existence and application of self-confidence in a person. It is near impossible for this to exist without confidence.

Outcomes. Confidence is both North Star and power plant that motivates, guides and propels people to achieving their desired outcomes.

More to come…

People want to be heard. They want to say things. It’s how we show our smarts and value to other people. Or is it?

How Nothing Can Be Important

Actively deciding not to do something (like sharing a message) is one of the most overlooked strategies of communication. There are many people who fall into the camp of saying something is better than saying nothing. It’s how you show your worth? That you have the answers! That you are truly smart.

No. Not true. It can actually result in the opposite of these desires and worse.

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In an age where sharing information is easier than ever, the value of privacy—both for businesses and individuals—cannot be overstated. Not everything needs to be broadcast to the world, and in many cases, discretion can be a powerful asset. Whether it’s a company’s information (trade secrets or otherwise), or an individual’s personal details, what is kept private can become a crucial advantage in negotiations and decision-making.

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How we conclude something often holds greater significance than any other aspect—it reflects our commitment to achieving the desired outcome and sets the tone for what follows. This principle was exemplified by the Florida Gators during their remarkable run to the NCAA men’s basketball championship. Frequently trailing in games, they showcased resilience and focus, pulling off dramatic comebacks through effective communication among players and coaches. Their ability to stay locked in on their goals and execute under pressure was pivotal in securing their third national title.

In the championship game against Houston, the Gators demonstrated this resolve once again. Despite being down by 12 points in the second half and struggling against Houston’s formidable defense, Florida rallied with a decisive 15-3 run late in the game. Their defense played a crucial role, forcing turnovers and making key stops in the final moments. The team’s unwavering focus and cohesive communication enabled them to seize the lead for just over a minute—a fleeting yet decisive period that secured their victory. This championship run underscores how finishing strong can define success, both in sports and beyond.

Communication is inevitably intertwined with confidence. Recently, I revisited a typical conversation that underscores this connection. It starts with a focus on communication, then the two-headed beast of fear and confidence emerges—sometimes subtly, and other times, it leaps boldly into the midst of the discourse.

“I need to improve my confidence when it comes to communication,” is a frequent concern shared by potential clients.

My usual response: “Why do you feel this way?”

The reply often follows: “Because I have to [give a big presentation/lead my team/host an important client meeting/something else].”

“Okay, tell me about some of the communication work you’ve been doing.”

“Honestly, none. I need confidence to attempt any communication. I’m afraid I’ll mess up and look bad. I could even lose my job.”

This familiar dialogue reveals three critical insights:

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The concept of Personal Principle is critical to achieving Desired Outcome on a business and individual level. This concept is an essential antidote to some of the worst advice and guidance given to professionals in the past decade.

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At the end of working on a desired outcome, there is assessment. Was there success? Failure? During reflection and evaluation, desired outcome statements continue to play a role in determining what went well and where there were shortcomings. See through the desired outcome process - including using desired outcome statements related to performance, decision-making, and accountability.

Media content: Videos (1)

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Desired Outcome Statements (DOs) are critical tools for guiding organizations, teams, and business units by shaping decisions and actions to achieve success. They act as guardrails and safety nets, ensuring focus on achieving specific outcomes, while also offering techniques to identify poor performers who may hinder progress. DOs influence planning and execution, clarify objectives, enhance communication, and increase the probability of success when leveraged effectively. This approach fosters better decision-making, aligns efforts with measurable goals, and maximizes value delivery throughout a project or initiative.

Key Points:

• Role of DOs: Provide structure, guide decisions/actions, and ensure alignment with desired outcomes.

• Benefits:

• Improve clarity of objectives.

• Enhance communication and transparency.

• Increase value delivery and project success rates.

• Leveraging DOs to align planning and execution with measurable goals.

Media content: Videos (3)

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Effective communication of desired outcomes is critical for organizational success, providing a strategic framework that aligns team members and drives collective achievement. Key aspects include:

• Creating a clear, comprehensive statement that serves as a guiding compass for decision-making

• Establishing a shared understanding of goals and objectives

• Fostering collaboration and accountability through transparent communication

• Balancing digital and interpersonal communication methods

• Ensuring objectives are familiar, discussable, and open to constructive challenge

• Benchmarking all decisions and actions against organizational goals

Media content: Videos (3)

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If you don't write down your desired outcome, it remains just a wish—something intangible that can easily disappear. There's a structured process to help you articulate this outcome, which will guide your thoughts and creativity. Many people struggle with writing things down because they don't know where to start or what to do. This process will address that challenge.

Media content: Videos (1)

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Get started with this collection of essential strategies, practices, and concepts for successful communication. This is an essential skill for successful work products and advancing your career.

Content: 3 videos

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