Media: Videos (2), Transcript/Text
Introducing one’s self is something as business people we do on a regular basis. Is it a daily thing for you? Maybe weekly? In this flash of time, you can seize an opportunity, make a crucial connection, or you decide you no longer want or need to interact with a person. Or they might do the same with you.
How to Make Better Introductions: Part 1: Video 1 (Intro, Projects, & Risk)
How to Make Better Introductions: Part 1: Video 2 (Judgement & Conclusion)
Transcript/Text
How good are you introducing your self to others? At this point most people will respond with the knee jerk reaction of “I’m good”. Typically with little actual thought going into that response. Think back to an event you attended where people introduced themselves to others. How many of them were memorable? Where there people who gave off a bad vibe?
What percentage of people do you think forgot about you twenty minutes after leaving the event?
People will try to avoid answering this because it’s usually an unknown answer. And people like to err on the side of the positive. If I don’t know, it wasn’t bad. So I must hove done ok at least. Right?
Now, some of you rock out your introductions. People get lucky (sometimes). For most people, your introduction and impression were discarded into that eternal dust bin of “never to be thought of again”.
The upside is there are things to learn and do that will improve the quality and outcomes of your introductions.
Two of the major factors I’ll share here with you. Along with a perspective that better frames how you can view introductions as a professional. One that goes beyond just “seeing what happens”. Or living in blissful ignorance while going through pointless motions when meeting new (but often not the right) people.
Like many aspects of communication, how well people introduce themselves has been deeply impacted by the pandemic. People are still readjusting to work, life, and communication in our post-pandemic normal. Within the span of two years most of us were yanked from our regular work environments to being virtual and behind masks and than back to living again like…well, people.
Throughout this time, introductions have remained just as important for businesses. Desired outcomes are mostly the same. Venues and how we present ourselves changed a lot.
These factors influenced how well or poorly we perform and interact with people. For some people, their confidence has taken severe hits. These are just some of the reasons why it’s important to practice how you communicate and understand more of the concepts and strategies the help you achieve desired outcomes.
There is a tendency when it comes to things we do on a regular basis of believing we do a good job. Even when we don’t. One of the toughest things about this deficit is realizing it exists.
When it comes to commonly performed actions people are quick to say they perform at a normal or average level. It sounds safe. It’s not bad. Or is it?
Average is not good, much less excellent. This next line is something an awful lot of people resist and refuse to recognize. Average (or normal) skills (since they are not good) are bad. An acceptable level of bad for the mediocre and unmotivated people. Good enough to eek by but not to be recognized as a top performer. With appropriate and often frustrating levels of compensation and recognition by decision-makers. That’s what happens when people deliver performance that is tolerable but unremarkable and unlikely to yield exceptional results.
Don’t be average or normal. Don’t be bad. Be good, excellent, or even elite. You don’t have to know everything. You need to know the right things.
Invest in yourself in the right areas (communication is always at the top of the heap), do hard things, and be better today than you were yesterday. I know you can do this and it’s why I do this work in communication coaching (ha - didn’t realize this is coaching, did you?).
Introductions as Projects
How you introduce yourself (and interact with people) is a project - with risks and benefits. These interactions at networking event or in the proverbial elevator can influence if there is a “next time” talking with someone. Most of the time, people will not tell you they don’t like you or that you don’t have value for them. They will just ghost you. You might find out at your annual review or in some other unpleasant manner.
Introductions are perpetual projects. When successful, they become ongoing conversations and perhaps more significant relationships. During that first conversation there is more risk. You might be nervous. Your opposite number may be skeptical and slow to trust you. After that introduction and each subsequent interaction, don’t forget that a large part of a relationship’s strength is contingent on how well the previous interaction went for each participant.
With this being said, business projects are far from a sure thing. Just like introductions. Business projects fail more often than they succeed. Sixty-five percent of business projects fail (PricewaterhouseCoopers, 2014).
Begin viewing your introductions as projects. Ones you are seeking to have successful outcomes. Some people will say this is transactional, like it’s a dirty word. Yes. It’s transactional. And it’s a beautiful word. When you’re transactional it means you provided someone with something or service they valued enough to give you money.
Being transactional does not make you a bad person. It makes you a person of value. Focus on how to provide value to people. Would you rather be a professional that gets paid or some loser who wears failure as a badge of honor to avoid being called “transactional”.
Risks
Anyone who does not acknowledge risk accepts mediocrity. In business and life, risk directly correlates to two factors. Success and failure. This can become a big problem if failure becomes associated with your reputation and face during a poor introduction.
Another problem with ignoring or being ignorant about risk is you can’t do anything about it. To take action against failure, it must be acknowledged as a possible outcome. Once you’re aware of these risks associated with introductions, you can take steps to tilt your interaction’s outcome towards success and away from failure.
Remember, sixty-five percent of business projects fail. That’s more than half of them. Failures have real world results. Such as lost revenue, eliminated jobs, failed businesses and lots of other nasty results.
For every ten projects, one is a home run, two or so are partial wins, and then six to seven are complete failures. Of the complete failures, half of those fail due to poor communication.
This is how we can reduce risk. By becoming a better communicator.
When we look at these introductions as projects, that means with better communication skills, you could convert up to three or four total failures to total or partial wins! That leaves you with seven wins/partial wins and three losses. Much better odds, right?
The Icky Part
When we talk about feeling icky in the context of working with other people what do you think of first? If it’s not the top answer, it’s probably in the top two…maybe three. Sales. That is not what I am talking about.
Being judged by other people is the icky part. After an introduction, people judge everyone else by factors important to each person. Judging is an essential part of dealing with people. Which is great, people love to judge others. Until it happens to them. And that is the really icky part.
Introductions (and relationship in general) come down to how people judge each other. This is probably not what many of you expected to read in an article on introductions. It is a critical part of relationship building. Poor judgements of people kill introductions.
Without embracing this fact, you can learn all of the networking skills and tips, but you are severely handicapping yourself if you do not understand the role of judgement. When you do this your networking strategy becomes one that is more dependent on luck than intention. It should be the other way around.
You cannot avoid being judged. People who preach that judging is only a bad thing miss it’s value and are likely have been judged negatively…perhaps wrongly. But that doesn’t change the fact the judging is not inherently bad. It’s a critical part of forming opinions and making decisions. How it happens and what’s done with resulting verdicts, that can be another matter. But it’s going to happen.
Odds are some of you are judging me for writing this article. This fact of humanity and communication is being shared to help you best achieve your desired outcomes. For you to gain an edge over your peers and rivals when it comes to communication, strategy, and getting things done. This is not about a fair fight. This is about being successful pursuing your desired outcomes. No one in their right mind wants a “fair fight” in the real world (while still being ethical and adhering to laws and regulations). People want to win. This means out performing others with knowledge that translates into action.
This is not an argument for the reckless judgement of people or poor behaviors. When judgements are made they should be guided by reason and logic.Emotional inputs should be minimized if not eliminated when possible.
This philosophy will offend some as being unfair and harsh. That is your opinion. For which I do judge you for holding that belief because it is intellectually weak. It’s also something that can be changed upon reflection.
If you consider making judgements “bad”, I hope you reconsider your position. You are inhibiting your potential. You might be thinking you are doing “alright” or “good enough”. What if your could do better? I believe you be and do better by adopting this philosophy regarding judgement and communication.
Acknowledging the reality and role of judgement can can translate into a massive opportunity for a person. Principally because other people shun it benefit. You display courage by thinking creatively in real world terms focusing on results by taking action. Mentally weak masses denying judgement’s advantages instead feign shock and complain incessantly as they fall short in the eyes of peers, spouses, leaders, customers, their “favorite” baristas and …you get it.
More on judgement-deniers in future content. Let’s get back to the people who matter. Those of us who acknowledge judgement occurs and its role in introductions. We’ll dive into techniques focused on mitigating negative impressions in the next paper in this series.
Conclusion
At this moment, adjusting your mindset is critical. An introduction is not just meeting someone. It’s an intentional effort to secure that next conversation with the right people to better achieve your desired outcome(s). This means cultivating a favorable judgement by others and mitigating risks.
Think of this in terms of racing a row a boat across a lake in darkness. You are one of the best rowers on the planet. At first your information is limited to being a row boat racer across a lake at night. Until you learn someone will be evaluating not how fast you get across the lake, but resulting from the precision and form of your rowing strokes and mechanics (judgement).
This is not a leisurely evening row. Next you learn there are rock outcrops scattered in various places in the lake (risks). Now you know about the stroke evaluation and the rocks, This exercise is not just about a technical skill (rowing). It’s also about how it’s done (judgement) and without hitting a rock and sinking (risk).
Being great at a skill (such as an Olympic-level rower) is not enough by itself. It’s critical to understand how judgement and risk influences your pursuit of a desired outcome. Just as it does when introducing yourself to people.