Separate and Cool
There are two things which can be the hardest part of being a professional for many, if not most people. This links back to this newsletter (podcast version here)where I touched on three traits for professionals:
Competency
Consistency
Confidence
Compartmentalization is first, which falls under competency. The “bring your whole self to work” philosophy is garbage advice and it’s dangerous. Everyone does not need (or want) to know your nitty gritty details or why you dress up as a hobbit on Saturday nights.
Be you. Be good (competent) at having different personas for different environments. You behave differently around different people. If you don’t, you probably have a lot of problems in life.
How you behave around grandma is probably different than how you behave around your spouse which is different than how you behave around friends or buddies from the military and the list goes on. It’s how we function as people. A core tenant of communication is how it changes in regard to our different audiences.
Second is Composure (part of consistency). People do not like surprises. Especially when someone radically changes their behavior. Try to avoid losing your temper or becoming overly emotional or irrational. People aren’t perfect, but this is a line you don’t want to cross at work.
Be cool, calm, and dependable. This does not mean you cannot be passionate or have a position on a topic. It means don’t lose your composure. There are some techniques for doing this covered in the September 26, 2023 episode “Speed can kill: Why Composure Counts” of the “Chad’s Communication Club” newsletter (podcast version here). Few things will get someone fired more quickly than losing their composure at work.
Hopefully these traits give you a better sense of how to collaborate with others. When to pick your battles and which hills are worth dying on. Never be a wet noodle. Nor should you be hypersensitive all of the time.
Remember this goes back to using desired outcomes to guide your decisions and actions. This includes your behavior and sharing personal information. And whether or not you should bring up a topic that does not advance your own professional desired outcome or your organization’s desired outcome.